Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize