I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
