I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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