Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
