The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
