Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
