So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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