no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
