i permit you to call me
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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