I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I understand Curling. That high.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize