Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
