I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
