At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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