Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
