If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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