so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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