Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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