I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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