lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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