I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
