I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
