Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
