Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
