he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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