you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
