we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
