just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And then my night got REAL pukey
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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