Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
