I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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