love makes seman taste better
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
