Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Come on in and take your pants off
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