Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
