It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
