The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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