Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
