Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
