I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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