Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
