I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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