I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
