my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
