Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you inspire me to be a worse person
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
