Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
