He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
