So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
