Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
