you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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