I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
