glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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