drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
