okay pat passed out under dana's car
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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