when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
