U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
