just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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