If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
