they said they heard you say put it in my butt
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
