don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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