You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We left the knife in your bed.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize