i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
