U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
