just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
