either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
