worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
