Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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