i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
