i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
only you would photoshop your dick
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
