I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
