Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
