He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
