Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.

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(906): View more from Michigan

i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?

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(443): View more from Maryland

Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome

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(815): View more from Illinois

New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina

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(845): View more from New York

He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him

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(650): View more from California

He's petting your head, we need to leave now.

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