How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
