So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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