and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize