Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
