Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize