My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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