hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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