you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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