now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize