4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
