So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
