oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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