Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
