She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
