Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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